Girls Unscripted

nothing good can come from this

5% shit factor

Okay, so you know how a thing can snowball without your realizing it? Well I’ve got a doozy  here.

This weekend, I decided that my house was disgusting. I decided to clean it up.  I would do the dishes and the laundry as usual, then I’d do the bathrooms and vacuum and wash windows and mop and rearrange my blue room. (My blue room is the spare room with the guest bed in it where I am allowed to use any paint color I like – bright blue of course – and put up all of my weird decorations that Ortego doesn’t like. I also keep my yarn in there.)

But, before I could start on anything, I walked into my living room.

Now, this was a bit of a mistake because we had really old, really nasty carpet in there that was causing a perpetual stink. At first it had been a stinky, old food, pet piss kind of smell. So I shampooed it. That helped a lot. Then, a couple of months later, it began to smell again. So I shampooed it again. This has happened many, many times over the years. Now, instead of smelling like food and piss, it just smells musty, wet, and a bit like soured laundry left in the washer too long.

So Ortego and I ripped out the carpet in the living room.

(Did you catch where the snowball began rolling down the hill? It was just there, when I decided to clean my house. Don’t feel bad if you missed it. It was really subtle.)

Now don’t get all shocked and offended. Ortego and I had been wanting to take out the carpet for a while anyway. The entire house has solid wood floors under newer flooring. A lot of it is too damaged to save, especially in the bathrooms, but we were confident that the wooden planks would be acceptable in the living room.

We were 95% right.

There’s about 5% of the floor that isn’t actual wood flooring. It’s a 1×4 hunk of pine from the lumber yard. I can only assume that the planks there had been too damaged to leave, maybe too warped to carpet over, so they were replaced.

And they look like complete shit, which is especially bad because Ortego and I are broke. We had been planning on living with the un-re-finished floor for a few months until we could afford to sand and stain them. Now we have to live a scuffed, but characteristic and acceptable wood floor complete with a 5% shit factor in front of the dining room door.

See? Complete shit.

And that’s a 5% shit factor that does not include the past 48 hours that I’ve spent in the floor scraping up glue, prying up nails and staples, and scrubbing. I’m pretty sure my back hates me now. Also my fingers, which are sore from all of the scrubbing.

And you’d think that 5% isn’t a whole lot, but in this case it’s huge. Those few planks of pine have ruined the entire renovation experience for us. There’s not even any way to cover it up with furniture and no rug is long enough.

But, and Ortego and I keep telling each other this: when we are finished, this floor is going to be fucking fantastic. You’ll all see. When we finish I’ll post a new picture. That picture will probably be accompanied by a over-long rant about how much of a pain in the ass it was to accomplish, but it will still be fucking fantastic.

And so, though I never actually cleaned the rest of my house, at least it doesn’t stink in my living room any more.